


It's Dead Now, Inside The Grave

by TylerDunJishwaJoseph



Series: Won't You Say Goodnight (So I Can Say Goodbye) [2]
Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Funeral, Gen, Mentions of Suicide, trigger warning, tyler misses Josh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-26
Updated: 2016-10-26
Packaged: 2018-08-27 01:07:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8382019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TylerDunJishwaJoseph/pseuds/TylerDunJishwaJoseph
Summary: It was 1 am when Tyler got the call.It was 9am when Tyler said goodbye.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is the aftermath of Josh's suicide. Please be safe. If any of this might trigger you, please do not read.

Tyler awoke with a jump as his phone vibrated beside him. It was dark outside the windows still and the TV was still on in the living room. He must have fallen asleep while watching Whose Line Is It Anyways. He watched it every night before he sulked to his room, exhaustion weighing his shoulders down. He didn't usually fall asleep during the show, and it caught him off guard to be waking in somewhere other than his bed.

It took him a few moments to remember the cause of his waking. His phone was still buzzing. The screen stated that it was 1:17 in the morning. It also stated that the person calling was Josh's mom. Tyler felt his stomach drop to his feet. Why would Josh's mom be calling at 1 am. 

"Hello?" He mumbled in to the microphone. He hit himself for how nervous he sounded. His anxiety shot higher though as he heard a low sob on the other end of the line. No words. Just sobs filled the phone for multiple minutes. Tyler stayed quiet and let Mrs. Dun cry for however long she needed.

"T—Tyler. M—y Josh. D—Dead." No. The phone dropped to the floor with a loud thud upon impact. This couldn't be happening. Not now. Not ever. Tyler felt his heart split in two straight down the middle. It left jagged shards and shrapnel in his chest. His lungs pressed against his ribs and pushed through them. He couldn't breathe and his head swam. His mind was like an ocean. Black and blue. But right now, the ocean was blacker than black, and the sky was too. He couldn't see. He couldn't feel. 

He scrambled to the floor and grabbed for the phone. It felt heavy in his hand but he had to bear witness to this moment and be there for Josh's mom. He wanted to speak. He wanted to try to calm her down so she could tell him what was going on but he couldn't find the words. Dumbfounded, he listened to her wail and lament over Josh.

Josh.

His best friend.

Dead.

"Mrs. Dun. W—what happened?" His words came out on their own and he was shocked by how fragile his voice sounded. She didn't answer, but started crying harder than before. Tyler didn't think that was possible but she screamed Josh's name repeatedly.

"Mrs. Dun. I'm coming over. I will be right there. I have to hang up though." He heard her mumble an okay and the phone when dead. The ringtone on the other end was the only noise in the room, then Tyler was crying. His shoulders shook with the force of the words he had heard her say. His worst nightmare was coming true.

The phone in his hand looked too bright in the darkness and his hands shook too bad to text his mother, so he called her instead. He tried to slow his breathing down so that he could talk. He didn't really expect her to answer. It rang once. Twice. Three times. As Tyler was about to hang up he heard his mothers groggy voice.

"Tyler, its 1 am. This better be important." Tyler tried to answer but his words wouldn't form on his tounge. Instead, he choked and sobbed on his unspoken pain. His mom must have heard them because she was instantly awake and talking to him, "Baby, Tyler, what's wrong? Can you speak to me?" And he tried to. He really did. But what do you say in a time like this?

"Mom, I need you." There it was. The only words he could manage. He heard her moving around on the other end of the line. Ruffling of clothes. Stomping of shoes. Car keys. She was coming down the stairs now. He heard the creaking of the last step and heard the side door open and close. The garage door alarm as it was raised, and then the car starting. She was coming to him.

"Tyler, I'll be there in a minute. Please dont— you know—" he did know. He had a bad habit of hurting himself too. He had many close calls before and his mom had to watch him struggle through that. She had to watch him recover from it.

Seconds felt like minutes and minutes felt like hours. His mom only lived 6 miles away but every second he spent alone was a small torture. His mind wandered in to unsafe places. He thought of Josh. What had happened to him? Was it an accident? Maybe a car hit him? Maybe something fell on him. Did he suffer? Or worse, was it on purpose? Did Josh's mind take over? Did he plan this? Why didn't he say goodbye?

Crunching gravel signaled his moms arival in the driveway. One second. Two seconds.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

He flung the door open with more force than necessary and flinched as the door handle dented the wall it fell against. It didn't take even a second to feel his moms arms wrap around him in a tight embrace and she held him. It had been a long time since his mom has held him like this.

"Tyler?" Her lips were on the top of his head, "can you tell me what's wrong?" She rubbed circled in to his back. He didn't know if he could speak but pulled back and looked her in the eyes.

"Josh. Josh is dead." His words. Saying it made it final. His mom held him tighter than ever.

"Can you take me over to his moms house?" Pleading felt childish, but he did it anyways, "please?" His shoulders and head sagged in complete defeat as he turned towards the door, "I don't trust myself to drive right now."

She weakly smiled and helped him to the passenger side of the car. She went back to grab his phone and shut the door. In the process, she grabbed a blanket and then brought it back to wrap around him.

 

•••

 

9 am. Tyler's black dress pants feel too small and his white button up shirt is suffocating him. It's pressed in to his neck and is too starched to bend. This was his last moment with Josh. His last goodbye, and he wasn't even sure if he could handle it. 

The funeral home was cold. They tried to be welcoming. Soft lights and flowers everywhere. There were inspirational quotes about life and death. Pictures of Josh in frames propped up.

There were many of Tyler and Josh together. One of them at the playground playing with the riding toys. The ones that looked like animals that had springs on the bottom. Another from the time they jumped through puddles and ran through the rain holding hands, giggling like children as they raced for the nearest door together. They looked so happy. They WERE so happy. Somewhere between then and now darkness had taken over. 

A guest book sat on the table in the back. Names littered the page. It made Tyler sick. So many people would come say goodbye to him. People who didn't know him even. The names had a number beside them. Guest books made no sense to Tyler. What's the point? So that they know you were here? Like you deserve an award for being a decent human being and coming? 

Tyler turned to walk towards the front, where he knew Josh was, and stopped. The casket was grey and sleek with a white lining. He could see Josh inside it, but knew it wasn't him. It wasn't as he knew Josh. The morticioner had slicked his pink hair back and had a stiff suit on him. His nose ring had been taken out and he had make up on. Hands were folded politely over his chest. It wasn't Josh. Josh would have had a T-shirt and SnapBack on. His pink hair would be sticking out the front. He would have drumsticks in his hands. Tyler knew the reason behind the long sleeves. 'Too graphic to be seen' is what he had been told, but they could have put his favorite jacket on. The one with the alien on the back. A fan gave it to him and he adored it. 

The person in the casket wasn't Josh. It was his shell, but the thing that made Josh himself was long gone. Tyler wanted to believe that Josh himself had just left but he knew Josh had been gone for a long time. Long before he died even.

Beside the casket was Josh's mom. She was weeping in to a tissue and her eyes red like the roses behind her. Beside her stood Josh's father. His arm was wrapped around her and the other was free to shake hands with the strangers and family who came to share their condolences. Jordan was there too, stiff and emotionless. He kept stealing fragile glances to his brother in the box. His sisters sat in a pew in front of the box, clinging to each other like their lives would shatter if they let go of each other.

Josh's mom looked up and saw Tyler. She motioned for him to come foreward. He did automatically, unable to control his feet. She wrapped him in a warm hug and he looked over her shoulder in to the casket. Josh looked fake.

That was it. This was a sick prank. Josh would come strolling out. The best joke he had ever made on someone. Tyler willed it to happen but every second that Mrs. Dun clinged to him, he knew this was reality.

"Tyler, I'm so sorry you have to see him like this. I'm so sorry. I know you were best friends. Thank you for keeping him with us as long as he did. We knew he had demons and you helped him fight those. Thank you for what you have done for all of us." Her words were interrupted by short gasps of air.

Tyler just nodded and pulled back. Tears were streaming down his face now. A steady waterfall of salt that he wiped away. His hand found the rough hand of Josh's fathers. Tough and calloused. He closed his eyes and imagined for a second it was Josh's hand. When he opened his eyes he was turned and pulled in to a big hug by Jordan, and then Ashley and Abigail. Last, he just had to say goodbye to his best friend.

What do you say in a time like this? Tyler tried to make words. He couldn't find the right way to say what he felt. There are no words, he decided. Instead he put his hand in Josh's hand and learned that he was COLD. Tyler was so used to Josh's warm, clammy palms. Tyler had to remind himself, this isn't Josh. Just his shell. Tyler got an idea and turned to walk to the door. 

"I'll be back," Tyler mumbled to Mrs. and Mr. Dun before practically running out to his car. Tyler opened his car door and on the passengers seat were Josh's drum sticks. He held them tightly, knuckles white from his grip. Then he was back inside to Josh's side.

Carefully, Tyler wrapped each of Josh's hands around a stick. They looked natural in his hands. They looked like Josh's hands. A voice over a microphone interrupted his trance.

"Will the pallbearers please come to the front. Cars can start lining up if you would like. Joshua will be burried at Maplewood Cemetary in New Albany." 

 

•••

 

The spot for Josh was secluded. Under a tree and near a small pond. If Josh was watching, he would approve. The hole where Josh would be lowered was already dug out and lined in a concrete box that would hold his casket and ensure that he wasn't crushed by the weight of the dirt. Josh was taken from the back of the hearse and laid on bars that covered the hole in the ground. People lined up to watch as the preacher dedicated Josh to God. Josh's family had been nice enough to ask Tyler and Josh's preacher, Joel, to do the service. Someone who knew Josh and could actually speak about him.

Sniffling and crying floated through the air as the pallbearers lowered Josh in to the hole with ropes. One by one, guests threw roses in to the ground on top of Josh, then left. Tyler was the last one. He stood at edge, contemplating whether or not to throw himself in to the hole with Josh. Josh's mom came up behind Tyler and put a soft, shaking hand on his back.

"Tyler. It's time to say goodbye." And with that, he threw the flower in and watched as dirt covered his friend, dead now inside the grave.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. If any one out there reading this is struggling, just know you aren't alone. Someone loves you. Someone will miss you. If you ever need someone to talk to, my ask box is open at tearinmaheart.tumblr.com.
> 
> This fix has me messed up. I know it's not good but I just... imagining Josh's funeral is the worst.


End file.
